My Girlfriend Was Hangry and I Handled the Situation Perfectly.

It happens man. People get hangry. In my delusional world, I like to think my hangry levels are pretty tame. I can go a while without food and/or sleep and still somewhat figure it out. Other people aren’t like that, and I fully respect it. I mean, shit, I clearly have my flaws. If I have a weird interaction with a server, I’ll think about it for 12-16 hours.

I won’t get too into the psychological wiring of my girlfriend, but her levels of hangry are 2-3 steps more potent than mine. She doesn’t get frustrated or irritable too often, but the other day was a different story.

She was hungry and frustrated that I didn’t have any snacks. Just something I do. If I have snacks, I’ll devour them immediately. Beach season’s coming up. Gotta stay dialed, ya know! I told her I could scoop her something, but that wasn’t the vibe she wanted. The clock was running low. We had a little shindig we were hitting at 3:00, a little wine tasting. Then it hit me, “Oh no, she needs food before those first two sips, or we’ll be on a one-way ticket to Buzzville, USA!”

Old me would’ve pushed the issue. Ran my mouth and acted like a clown with the sole purpose of trying to cheer her up. That shit doesn’t work man. Never has, never will. I don’t care if Don Rickles comes back to life, pops in the room and does the tightest 10 minutes imaginable. Laughter will solve nothing. Hell, laughter won’t even occur. She needed food and she needed food ASAP.

Right down the street from the wine tasting is this burger spot that has one of her favorite salads. A little kale salad with a big ol’ chunk of chicken patty. It’s pretty good. Not as good as their burger, but it plays. I said, “Hey. Let’s head there beforehand.” We had a plan in motion. And you know what I did? I kept my mouth shut and didn’t say a goddamn word. Now’s not the time to try and make pleasant convo or talk about serious things. Now’s not the time to try and crack jokes or mess around. Now’s not the time to try and curate a favorable playlist for the ride there. No. No and No. You keep your mouth shut and open it when she has food.

Now again, I’m no better. Like I said before, my hangry levels are very tame and barely exceed “slight frustration”. But I’m also a nut job when I watch sports. I’m sure she has a playbook on me. “After a tough loss, I always say I’m craving some ice cream. This isn’t for me though; it’s for him. He thinks he’s doing something nice, but my goal is to get him to eat ice cream so it chills him out. Works every time.” - My GF’s playbook after my team suffers a horrendous loss.

- Bobby D