Sad I Never Got to Rage Out On a Pay Phone.
Was watching Blackberry the other day. Great movie. I tell you what, some fantastic needle drops: Joy Division, Slint, The Strokes. Holy playlist.
Lot of great scenes in that movie, but one really caught my eye. The dude from Always Sunny, Glenn Howerton, is at a pay phone. Convo doesn’t go to his liking and he pulls off this slam/hang-up Move. Dude just starts violently hanging up the phone until it breaks. Might’ve been inspired by De Niro honestly. I remember him pulling off a similar Move in Goodfellas. Although De Niro was in a phone booth and had the luxury of going slam, slam, push, push. Bro tipped that sumbitch!
I’ll tell you what man. Shit looked like a fucking rush! Wish I could pull it off, but yeah, shit’s extinct. Haven’t seen a pay phone in years.
Now don’t get me wrong, I dig the advancement in modern technology, I really do. Cell phones are sick. Your boy can immediately pull up Gunnar Henderson’s split stats at a moment’s notice. No need to open the laptop, take a quick trip to the computer room, library, or some MLB database… Nah, left pocket, baseball reference, .372 against righties west of the Mississippi when Mercury’s in retrograde? Thata beb Gunnar! But… I will say, the idea of blowing off some steam on the vessel or middle man (so to speak) that delivered this devastating information sounds kind of fun. Especially knowing I won’t have to pay for it. (Unless some snitch sees me and waves down the 5-0.)
I’ve broken a lot of shit in my day out of rage: 2 putters, my hand, an X-Box controller, a Sonos. The putters and Sonos were free, but knowing me, I’d feel pretty guilty raging on a pay phone. Hell, I felt guilty breaking something that was personally mine. Destroying an object meant for a community, I’d be in shambles! Try to reason with myself, “These things are funded by billion-dollar companies. They have plenty of money, who cares!” All while deep down still feeling guilty. It’s the principle of the whole thing ya know.
Maybe pay phones make a comeback. Some new cool, trendy phone service provider makes a guerrilla marketing push and installs a couple pay phones in Times Square, DTLA, or outside Jerry’s World. “Look at me! I’m talking on a pay phone!” Snap, snap. Post, post. Like, like, like, comment. “Eh… thought it’d do better…”
Not me. I’m calling Frankie to see if it’s done. “Sorry, Bob. Turns out there’s a new sheriff in town.” “What? Frankie… What did you do? FRANKIE!!! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO!!!” Slam, slam, slam, if it’s a phone booth, push, push push, “FUCK!!!!!”
Although furious at the time, two weeks later, I’m over what Frankie did. That’s the game ya know. Gotta Move on. Only thing stuck on my mind is the guilt I feel about destroying that pay phone.
What’s funny is, with my lifestyle, there’s a 0% chance anything I hear on a pay phone would be worthy of kickin’ its ass. “Hey man. Bad news, 9:30 wasn’t available, so I booked the 11:00 tee-time.” “Yo. We’re going somewhere else, Johnson’s ran out of Guinness.” I mean these guys are on the verge of losing their company and finding out their friend got whacked. A little minor felony is the least of their worries.
- Bobby D
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